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Monday, December 6, 2010
For LGBT teens, acceptance is critical
(CNN) -- Zac Brokenrope got called into the school office almost every day as a freshman in high school. His offense, he was told, was "acting gay."
"I would literally lay awake at night in bed, just (dreading) to go the next morning, wondering what I was going to get in trouble for that day, wondering if someone was going to say something on my behalf," said Brokenrope, now a junior at Boston University.
He says his parents felt embarrassed by him, and wouldn't permit him to start a gay-straight alliance group at the school. Brokenrope felt so alone, he contemplated suicide.
Brokenrope's experiences growing up in Nebraska resonate with two studies published Monday that present unprecedented insight into the challenges that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth face.
Family acceptance of LGBT youth predicts positive outcomes in mental health, self esteem, and overall health status, finds a study in the Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing. And nonheterosexual young people are more likely to receive punishments in a school or criminal justice setting, says a study in Pediatrics.
Based on interviews with self-identified LGBT young adults, researchers found that family acceptance seems to protect against suicidal thoughts and behaviors, as well as depression and substance abuse. The study comes from the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, which aims to increase support among families with LGBT children.
Gender ID disorder:mind-body disconnect "Imagine trying to put up a persona during the day, so you're not bullied by your peers," said Russell Hyken, teen psychologist and educational consultant in Saint Louis, Missouri. "To be able to come home and be who you are has got to make all the difference in the world to these kids."
But kids like Brokenrope (watch him speak at BU) and Katie Christie, a student at University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, didn't have that luxury. Christie, 22, who also struggled with an eating disorder, hid her sexuality from her parents until earlier this year.
"They told me that I'm not going to heaven anymore," said Christie, vice president of her school's gay-straight alliance. "We're trying to get to a point where we can respect each other."
Still, Christie feels a lot better now that her family knows, after having hidden from everyone for so long. Merely changing her "interested in" status on Facebook to "women" was "just so liberating," she said.
In the Pediatrics study, looking at students in grades 7 through 12, lesbian, gay and bisexual youth were up to three times more likely to have experienced school expulsions, police stops, juvenile arrests and adult convictions than heterosexual teens. And that's not because the first group had more transgressions, said lead study author Kathryn Himmelstein. This seems to be especially true for girls. In fact, lesbian, gay and bisexual youth engaged in less violent behavior than their peers.
The study did not, however, directly compare offenses with punishments. In other words, there's no way to know whether a heterosexual teen got a lighter punishment for any specific transgression than a lesbian, gay or bisexual teen.
It also did not look at the question of why. One speculation is that authorities are less likely to take into account mitigating factors when determining punishments for LGBT youth -- for instance, they could have been acting in self-defense, or other circumstances may have made the transgression less clear, Himmelstein said.
Institutions should look at whether this is disparity happening, if it's intentional, and what steps could be done to address it, so that all youth are treated fairly, she said.
Brokenrope's punishment for being gay was largely fear. The principal at his public school in Nebraska told Brokenrope he could be expelled for talking about his sexuality, and he was warned about his behavior -- that is, just being himself -- each time he was called in to the office.
Christie also bad experiences in high school: An ex-girlfriend told her band director that Christie was a lesbian, and the band director "told me how my sexual behavior wasn't going to be allowed his band anymore," Christie said.
"It's not just about these kids having issues at schools that lead to them getting in trouble and being punished, it's also about the environment these schools are creating, and the ability of all students to feel included and welcome," said Sarah Belton, an attorney and fellow of the nonprofit Equal Justice Works.
Belton knows of one case where a parent came on to the school's campus and made derogatory comments to an LGBT youth while administrators stood by.
Finding a group where you feel like you can be who you are is critical for LGBT teenagers, Hykken said.
Brokenrope's informal network of LGBT friends in Nebraska helped him get through high school. Before there were internet forums and Facebook groups dedicated to this kind of support, he would call or text friends of friends of friends who were in similar positions. He still doesn't know the real name of a kid in Omaha who spoke with him on the phone twice a week.
Today, there are numerous resources throughout the country such as the Trevor Project that provide support, in addition to the Gay-Straight Alliance Network and numerous groups at colleges and universities.
Teachers should get more education in the kinds of issues that LGBT youth might be facing, Christie said. They are often struggling with their identity and their fear of rejection from family, friends, and community groups. They may be questioning their sexual orientation, and not have anyone to talk to about it.
Brokenrope stresses to anyone who is having problems in adolescence to do whatever it takes to survive.
Today, Brokenrope is happy to be alive. His parents still aren't comfortable talking about his orientation, but have learned that it is part of his lifestyle, and things have gotten better with his relationship to them. He also credits college life in Boston for saving him. He especially enjoys being introduced to people as "this is Zac" instead of "this is Zac, he's gay," as he was in high school.
Brokenrope is also glad that LGBT mental health issues have achieved national attention and support.
"When I was growing up, I knew gay kids who had killed themselves. And it was really weird because now, everyone cares. There are all of these videos about it," he said. "But when I was in high school, it was another dead kid in rural Nebraska."
"I would literally lay awake at night in bed, just (dreading) to go the next morning, wondering what I was going to get in trouble for that day, wondering if someone was going to say something on my behalf," said Brokenrope, now a junior at Boston University.
He says his parents felt embarrassed by him, and wouldn't permit him to start a gay-straight alliance group at the school. Brokenrope felt so alone, he contemplated suicide.
Brokenrope's experiences growing up in Nebraska resonate with two studies published Monday that present unprecedented insight into the challenges that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth face.
Family acceptance of LGBT youth predicts positive outcomes in mental health, self esteem, and overall health status, finds a study in the Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing. And nonheterosexual young people are more likely to receive punishments in a school or criminal justice setting, says a study in Pediatrics.
Based on interviews with self-identified LGBT young adults, researchers found that family acceptance seems to protect against suicidal thoughts and behaviors, as well as depression and substance abuse. The study comes from the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, which aims to increase support among families with LGBT children.
Gender ID disorder:mind-body disconnect But kids like Brokenrope (watch him speak at BU) and Katie Christie, a student at University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, didn't have that luxury. Christie, 22, who also struggled with an eating disorder, hid her sexuality from her parents until earlier this year.
"They told me that I'm not going to heaven anymore," said Christie, vice president of her school's gay-straight alliance. "We're trying to get to a point where we can respect each other."
Still, Christie feels a lot better now that her family knows, after having hidden from everyone for so long. Merely changing her "interested in" status on Facebook to "women" was "just so liberating," she said.
In the Pediatrics study, looking at students in grades 7 through 12, lesbian, gay and bisexual youth were up to three times more likely to have experienced school expulsions, police stops, juvenile arrests and adult convictions than heterosexual teens. And that's not because the first group had more transgressions, said lead study author Kathryn Himmelstein. This seems to be especially true for girls. In fact, lesbian, gay and bisexual youth engaged in less violent behavior than their peers.
The study did not, however, directly compare offenses with punishments. In other words, there's no way to know whether a heterosexual teen got a lighter punishment for any specific transgression than a lesbian, gay or bisexual teen.
It also did not look at the question of why. One speculation is that authorities are less likely to take into account mitigating factors when determining punishments for LGBT youth -- for instance, they could have been acting in self-defense, or other circumstances may have made the transgression less clear, Himmelstein said.
Institutions should look at whether this is disparity happening, if it's intentional, and what steps could be done to address it, so that all youth are treated fairly, she said.
Brokenrope's punishment for being gay was largely fear. The principal at his public school in Nebraska told Brokenrope he could be expelled for talking about his sexuality, and he was warned about his behavior -- that is, just being himself -- each time he was called in to the office.
Christie also bad experiences in high school: An ex-girlfriend told her band director that Christie was a lesbian, and the band director "told me how my sexual behavior wasn't going to be allowed his band anymore," Christie said.
"It's not just about these kids having issues at schools that lead to them getting in trouble and being punished, it's also about the environment these schools are creating, and the ability of all students to feel included and welcome," said Sarah Belton, an attorney and fellow of the nonprofit Equal Justice Works.
Belton knows of one case where a parent came on to the school's campus and made derogatory comments to an LGBT youth while administrators stood by.
Finding a group where you feel like you can be who you are is critical for LGBT teenagers, Hykken said.
Brokenrope's informal network of LGBT friends in Nebraska helped him get through high school. Before there were internet forums and Facebook groups dedicated to this kind of support, he would call or text friends of friends of friends who were in similar positions. He still doesn't know the real name of a kid in Omaha who spoke with him on the phone twice a week.
Today, there are numerous resources throughout the country such as the Trevor Project that provide support, in addition to the Gay-Straight Alliance Network and numerous groups at colleges and universities.
Teachers should get more education in the kinds of issues that LGBT youth might be facing, Christie said. They are often struggling with their identity and their fear of rejection from family, friends, and community groups. They may be questioning their sexual orientation, and not have anyone to talk to about it.
Brokenrope stresses to anyone who is having problems in adolescence to do whatever it takes to survive.
Today, Brokenrope is happy to be alive. His parents still aren't comfortable talking about his orientation, but have learned that it is part of his lifestyle, and things have gotten better with his relationship to them. He also credits college life in Boston for saving him. He especially enjoys being introduced to people as "this is Zac" instead of "this is Zac, he's gay," as he was in high school.
Brokenrope is also glad that LGBT mental health issues have achieved national attention and support.
"When I was growing up, I knew gay kids who had killed themselves. And it was really weird because now, everyone cares. There are all of these videos about it," he said. "But when I was in high school, it was another dead kid in rural Nebraska."
If you're a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or questioning young person in trouble, call the Trevor Project crisis line at 866-4-U-TREVOR.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Talk / Listen
I know it is hard to think sometimes that talking solves everything. Even so when it may be that it doesn't, talking still helps. Just stating your problems sometimes is enough to at least make you feel better.
Whether it is talking to a friend about it or just saying it out loud to yourself, it always makes me feel better. However it does seem to help more if you have somebody to talk about it with. Fortunately I have had a few people I could talk to about anything that has been bothering me. For these people I am truly thankful.
I don't have a lot of friends. Well friends you could call friends. The people who would truly be there. Most of my “Friends” are those that are just filler if you will. But if you have just one true friend that is enough to talk to and help you though something that is bothering you.
Even so, like I said you can always just say them out loud or post them online. I have a blog that is like a journal. No body reads it. It is there just for me to type my most random thought or to just let something off my chest when I can find no one else to talk to.
But there is another side to this story. Being the person that listens. When you listen to a friend and their problems try not to out match their problems. Remember it is not a competition. To that person it seems like you are telling them their problems are irrelevant. Like they are crying over nothing. So when listening do just that. Listen. At the end the person may ask what your opinon is. It is still very important to not tell of your issues. This is about them at the moment. Your turn will come later. Give them an answer without detailing your own problem such like “ Oh well when that happened to me I did this.”. Say “ Well if I was in your situation I would do this.”. Also try and remember that when you give that person your solution to remember that this person is not the most emotionally stable person right now. Give them a rational piece of advice. Not something like “Lord If that was me I would cut his dick off for sure.”. LOL it is not what they need to hear at the moment.
So these are just a few tips on what is proper. The reason I put this out is recently some people I have overheard have done this. It sickens me that people try to make their own problems bigger then everybody elses. It is not always the case. Just remember that the next time you are feeling like yours are the worst. That somewhere out there, there is somebody who has it a lot worse. If you don't believe me I can take you to the homeless shelter and show you. Or show you kids who's family beats them and it just seems like nobody cares. Then at the end of our road trip if you explain to me your problems are bigger than everybody's else, then I will believe you. But until then take some of the advise given above.
~LookingInLondon
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
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