Sorry for the lapse on an update. I was real busy over the weekend and didn't get much of a chance to get online and post. But I did get to talk to my mom some more about my sexuality. When I talked to her again she didn't leave a doubt in my mind that she was more than OK with it. She supports me 100 percent. I think maybe she just forgot when she was talking to me on the phone because I still have my guard up even around her so I don't slip up around other people when I am with her.
But I did get to hang out with my step brothers this weekend. And we had a really cool time. Shot some pool. Hung out with some people. Just a nice relaxing weekend with no worries. But I do think they are starting to catch on maybe. I have only really got to know my two step brothers in the last 3 months. I have never had a brother before and I think they are starting to put two and two together. When we go out all they want to do is scout for chicks. I don't participate. But I don't scout for guys either. Although we were playing pool next to some cute guys who I sort of picked up may have been gay. They kept looking over and watching and when we would make eye contact they would smile and look away real fast. But I can see the surprise in their face when they look at a girl and go "would you hit that?" And I honestly say no. I don't lie. If somebody was to ask me if I was gay I might try to change the subject or if I have to I will not say anything. But I will not lie and say no.
Also I think they tried to get me to admit I was gay. But I couldn't tell if they were just playing around and teasing or if it was a round about way of trying to get the truth out of me without being blunt about it. I want so bad to tell them so I don't have to keep hiding it around them. But I am not totally sure that they would be really ok with it. I know one of them has a brother who is gay and he takes up for him. But the next breath he takes he can say something looks fagoty. So I pick up a mixed message.
I will have to do some more pondering on the subject I guess before I let my guard down to them. I know one day it is all going to come out and I think they will respect me more if they hear it from me and not from online or somebody else.
Well that is all for tonight I guess. Don't forget that if you are going through something similar or would just like to talk. You can email me at LookinginLondonky@gmail.com
~LookinginLondon
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