Lately I have had a few people ask me what "My Story" was. Which intrigues me and really think it would make an awesome book. Maybe one day I will be famous and will write one about my life. So I guess you can consider this sort of a preview. LOL.
Well I guess I can give you a short version as like I said the long version would be a book.
My parents were really young when they decided to get married. My dad was 19 and my mom was 13. When my mom was 15 she had me. 21 months later my sister joined the family. My mom dropped out of high school when she got married and my dad worked for the county garage where we lived. My parents fit all the time and me and my sister were put in the middle a lot of the time. They were also drug users. Which is why to this day I have never tried any kind of illegal drug and never will. But this went on for years. Me and my sister were always walking on eggshells to stay out of trouble but it never seemed to happen. Our dad would always seem to take his frustration out on us. This went on until I was about 7 and my parents got into yet another argument and my mom wanted a divorce. It was that night I walked in on my dad with a shot gun under his chin. Now he probably would of never done it and it was all for show but at 7 years old that doesn't cross your mind. It was the next day that our mom picked us up from school and we stayed in a abuse shelter in a location I won't say for their protection as it is still in use today. The divorce was nasty as to be expected and me and my sister was yet again put in the middle of it with both sides telling us what to say to the judge in their favor. Well neither of them liked what the judge did. He took us away from them and put us with our father's mother. As she was the best option at that time. Everything was fine and both parents were really out of the picture except for when one of them would want to see us.
I never did really want anything to do with either of them as I was older and could see right through them and my sister couldn't. So both my parents never did want anything to do with me then. Which was fine by me. Except then they wanted my sister and not me. They both tried many times to get custody of my sister and not me but luckily the judge would not have it and still deemed them both unfit.
I was barely 12 when My grandfather divorced my grandmother and left her to raise me and my sister alone. Which was not easy for her. But what scared me the most was when I was told by my uncle that I was now the man of the house and had to protect that property. When you 12 years old you don't think about protecting you family like I was forced to. Even though I had protected my sister for all those years. I was not mentally prepared for what life was about to throw at me.
It was less than 6 months later when I was home alone with an injured knee and my deranged father came to my grandmothers house with a gun demanding to get my sister. That was the night that I really lost any compassion and respect for my father that I had left. That night while he was beating on the door and threatening to kill me. I had an .223 assault riffle in the hallway to protect myself with the gun cocked, safety off and the barrel pointed right at the door with 30 rounds heading his way. I knew that if he came through that door I would have to shoot and kill my own father. Luckily he never came through that door. But I did tell him that if he came through that he was a dead man. And I know he knew I meant every word of it. This was one of the darkest points in my life.
When I was 13 the divorce proceedings of my grandparents were over and the three of us were ordered to vacate the home. This was the one place that I ever felt safe in and now the judge took it away. That was the last time I ever felt like I had a home.
My grandmother didn't have much money so she provided for us the best she could. Always making sure we had food clothes, and a warm roof over our heads. That was until it became to much and we couldn't keep up with the rent any longer. Then we moved in with my Great Aunt for a while. We moved around quite a few times. Making it the best we could. My mom had seemed to have fallen completely off the face of the earth and it really didn't matter to us. We were just always worried about making it on our own.
When I was about 14 or 15 out luck ran out and we got really low on money and lost yet another place to live. My grandmother had really lost all hope and joy in life and I was noticing more and more that she was starting to give up. My sister went to live with my aunt and uncle. I was stayed with my grandma to watch her. I felt it was like returning the favor for all those years that with out her I may of not been alive today. We didn't have no other place to go so we went to live with her three brother who lived in a little old shack that was 60 years old and run down back in a "holler". There was only room enough for one to sleep inside. My grandmother told me that she would sleep out in our minivan. It was a cold winter and I didn't want my grandmother to have to sleep outside. So I absolutely refused and made her take the place inside. Every night for the next 7 months I would just wear two jackets to bed and fold down the last seat in the back of the van for a makeshift bed. Which when you 6 ft tall it isn't too comfortable but I always remembered it could of been worse. I could of not had a van like other kids that are homeless. And that is when it hit me that i was now at a bottom point in my life but refused to give up. I vowed that I would find a way to fix this. Like my uncle had said. I was now the man of the house.
The next summer I found a place to rent for 150 bucks a month. It wasn't big but it was a house and we could afford it. I remember when we first bought it that I would go there and sleep at night. For the first few weeks we couldn't move in as our stuff was stored and we couldn't move it yet. We never had anything not even much food. My grandmother still stayed with my uncles and I stayed at our new hose with a loaf of bread and a package of ham in a cooler. There was running water and electricity so compared to what I had been through the past 7 months it was like the 4 seasons to me. It was lonely but I started to get that safe feeling back again.
About two years later the owners of the house sold it without letting us know. We got a knock at the door from the new owners wanting a tour. That was how we found out it was even for sale in the first place. It was then that we moved here to London. I was only a month from 18 at that time. So I knew I had to get a job. I finally got a nice job. One that surprised everybody. I was working for a major company and made about 45000 a year. Which wasn't bad for a poor kid strait out of high school. But if there is anything that I do well it is what I did for this company. But like everything else that had been good in my life the job ended also after about a year and a half.
Which brings you to now I guess. I still don't have a public job but I have my own little home business that brings me enough money to get by. Even if not much else. It is more like a hobby.
Well like I said that was the short and condensed version. I am sure I will talk about other things but there is just too many to type about in this one post. I know I didn't talk much about my school life, Lol that is a book in it's self.
But I will talk about how I came to be a sort of activist if you will. I am all about equality and fairness which is surprising considering how I was raised but I became my own thinker and became my own person. I love to help people in life and something people just need a shoulder to lean on and talk. I have always been that person for a lot of people. People will talk to me and let things out that they never thought they would ever let out. I guess I am trusting in that way. Whatever you tell me always is locked down and never repeated except between us.
I don't let little things get to me anymore. I don't let people get under my skin either. I think that homosexuality is completely misunderstood by a majority of the population. SO my mission became to be a be a good representation of the LGBT community.
If you would like to know more about me don't be afraid to email me. There are no such thing as a stupid question.
~LookinginLondon
2 comments:
I have been reading your post once a week or so, and I thought I would post. First I want to say way to go on coming out to your mom. That is the first step. I from reading get the feeling that you are new to the community and so thought I might pass on some words of wisdom(which you might already know). The GLBT community is wonderful and diverse, but OUR community has a dark side just like all communities do. Be careful and trust your instincts. Speaking as someone who has been an activist for a number of years now, there are pitfalls along the way. These pitfalls come from the straight community, but more often than not they come from the GLBT community.
In KY we have 4 Big fairness groups who are all trying to reach the same goal. As someone who has been a part of 3 of them I know backstabbing happens. Do not let it take you down. We are our own worst enemy when it comes to accomplishing fairness in KY. I have actually sent emails and had meetings with the leaders of these groups to try and impress on them that they are out of touch with the GLBT community of KY. Just like in congress its all about who gets the credit and so nothing gets done.
Now for the real words of wisdom. If you are going to be an activist realize your life will be put on front street and in the public eye. Most importantly though don't worry so much about who gets the credit for getting us fairness in KY, but realize that once we have fairness we all get the credit. Be brave, bold and honest. More than anything lead by example. You will make mistakes, but remember the important thing is learning from them and not doing them again.
I appreciate your comments. I am aware of the of most of what you said and agree. But I am a part of one of the organizations here in Kentucky and they seem like a great bunch of guys. I am not looking for credit as I think that when it comes to activism it is about making change and progress not who was responsible for it. My only job is to try and help others and to bring to the attention of those that think that the LGBT is a bunch on monsters that we are everyday normal people.
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