Recently I had been bothered by something that I had done earlier this year. I had to see for myself just one last time before I truly embraced being a homosexual if I was attracted to a woman. I had talked to a girl for a little while and had not really got real close but it was farther than just backing out and walking away with no feeling getting hurt. This girl was really an amazing and caring person. But I just didn't feel anything for her relationship wise just like with every other girl I had dated. I wanted to tell her everything and get it over with but she was getting ready to go into surgery and I didn't want to upset her. So before her surgery I just quit communicating with her. I figured this would be the best way to do and hope that she just ruled it off as me just being another asshole of a guy. I really hated doing this but I thought it was best at the time for her as I wanted to upset her the least I could with her upcoming surgery.
So anyways it had been a little while and it kept bothering me. So I talked with her on Facebook for a while and apologized for what I had done. But I also told her the reason. As you know there are not a lot of people that know that I am gay. I have not come out to nobody in my family except my cousin's partner and my mom this previous weekend. But I figured that for what I had done I at least owed her that. I told her that I thought what I did at the time was the best thing to do but had since realized otherwise. I asked her if we could still remain friends because she is such a good person. She accepted my apology and we are going to remain friends.
What I have learned is to not use other people and play with their emotions to figure out your own. I could have handled it a lot better and I already knew the answer to my question when I started talking to her. I was able to repair my mistake. But it may not work out the same way the next time and you could end up loosing a very good friendship in the process.
~LookinginLondon
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