As you know I told my mother a week ago that I was gay. I though she took it well and she gave me some very encouraging words. But over the course of this past week when talking to her I am still picking up on some uneasiness about the situation. I don't talk about being gay with her still as that is not the type of person I am. Now I love my mom and I know she loves me but she is starting to show signs that she may not be as ok with it as I once thought.
When I talked to my mom tonight we were talking about how one of my step brothers have a huge problem of sleeping with... well everybody. He just turned 21 recently and loves to party at the bar. Recently he did a few things with several people he didn't know and lets just say a clinic visit wouldn't be such a bad idea for him. But he made the comment that when I turn 21 that we could go out and party. Now I am not the partying type. If I have a drink it is just that, a drink, and it is at home. But he want's to get me to do the same things as him. Which 1. I am gay so of course I am not going to lay with any woman. And 2. Even if I wasn't gay it isn't my personality to sleep around. But when I was talking to my mom she was telling me about this and was talking to me about women and how she knew I wouldn't do anything like that. But she kept referring to sex with women and relationships with women just like she forgot I was gay.
Now my question is. Should I confront her and ask her how she feels about it again to see if her response has changed? Or what should I do? I don't want her to drop little hints all the time to test the waters with me like one day I will get up and start dating women. It isn't going to happen. Should I talk with her again about it? I am just sort of taken back and it seems to be a step back in my progress of telling my family. This is one of the reasons I have kept it bottled up for so long. I can't stand for my family to dislike me. My step dad already uses me in arguments when him and my mom argue about us. His kids like to party and do drugs. My sister is even sort of a rebel. But I chose to put childish things down and be responsible . But every time there is an argument and she says something about his kids then I get brought into it. The only thing he can find right now is that I am more sensitive than his kids. Which trust me is not a bad thing. But I am afraid that if he found out that I was gay he would bring that up every time they argued. Something to the sorts of " Well at least my children are not fagots.". I am not sure he wouldn't say that at this point. My step brothers, I am almost positive that they would be ok with it. One of my step brother's half brother is gay and he is close with him. But I have heard my step dad talk bad about that bother as well.
I really wanted to save this for the forum but it just couldn't wait. I figured that if I held it in any longer then I would burst from the seams. I appreciate any comment or email. I need this group just as bad as some of you guys. I have issues that I would love to talk about also. But I just don't have friends that I could talk to about this. I have been thinking of telling my step brother but I am not 100 percent sure how that would go. I just would really like to talk to somebody close to me about it but this will have to do for now.
~LookinginLondon
3 comments:
Coming out is a process. It was a process for you and it will be for your parents. The best thing you can do is give your mom some space and time. My guess is she is still in shock and trying to adjust. When I told my mother it took time for her to adjust. The most important thing is be yourself. Being gay is just a part of who you are, my guess is she is trying to adjust her sterotypes of what she thinks it is to be gay...to what she knows of who you are as a person. Give her time she will come around, they all do.
I'm going to agree with Anonymous here. My mom treated it like an embarrassing phase for the first few years after I told her that I was gay. It wasn't until after I had gotten a girlfriend and moved out that she started to realize that this is the way I am, and that I'm not going to suddenly become straight one day. The best you can do is give her more time to let the idea sink in. It's a lot to take in, but she loves you, so you can bet that she'll come around on her own. I can tell you this, though..I've never met a gay person whose parents didn't test the waters, as you put it. It's usually something like, "Are you absolutely sure?" or "So-and-so seems like a nice boy(or girl, in your case). I think you two should get married!". It's annoying at first, but I think that it's a natural part of the coming-out process, unless you come from an extremely open-minded family, or have had relatives pave the way for you. It's annoying, but gradually she'll stop with the questions as she becomes more accustomed to the idea.
Thanks you guys.
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