Disbelief

I know the title says disbelief. But actually when I think about it. It isn't like I didn't know it already.

I know at this point your probably going "What is he talking about?".

Well I know I have posted here before about how I don't have any relationship with my father at all. But my sister was everything in my life. Over the past summer she floored all of the family when she said she wanted to go live with our dad. She is 18 so there was nothing anybody could do really. Just try to convince her to think about it before she made any final decision. She chose not to think about it.

I haven't talked to my sister since she left in July. That was until she called last Saturday. She asked me for some technical advice. But the nature of the call went off to how we were doing and just small talk. I could tell she wanted to talk, but I am still a little hurt about her decision. Especially since we have never been separated since her birth until this summer. She called back the next day as well for more small talk. Everything was cordial and polite. Which mean I had to hold back a lot of feelings and emotions that I felt. See my sister in my mind was going to be the first person on this earth that I ever admitted to that I was gay. But before I had a chance well you know what happened. So I feel like she stole something away from me. My sister was the only person in the world that I ever trusted with my life.

Well all this leads to today. She came by and picked up a wireless card I had given her so she could mooch off the neighbors internet. Even though I have bad feelings for my dad. My stepbrothers and now my sister that live there I still love no matter what. I have no problem helping out anybody. But anyways, back on topic, she called later tonight for help setting it up. After that was done we just started talking again. Then I heard my dad in the background. At first he didn't bother me but then it was like he joined in the conversation. He kept talking and commenting on things that he heard from my sister's side of "our" conversation. But then my sister mentioned about dad almost running over somebody one day. So naturally I wanted to know more.

She told me that it actually was an incident in WalMart where my dad was following my sister with a little distance between them. When my sister passed a lady turn around and looked. According to them the lady was looking at my sister's butt. It was at that point my sister was laughing as she told how my father had pushed the cart to try and hit her. Then told her that the girl she was looking at was his daughter and she wasn't no .....excuse my language.... cunt licking lezzie.

What left me in disbelief was not the fact of what my dad said. But the fact that my sister found something that mean and hateful, funny and amusing. It sort of took the wind out of me and made me wonder if my sister would say the same things about me when she found out. That when I told her she would call me some ....excuse me again.... cock sucking fagot.

What surprises me even more is the fact I know my sister is bisexual. I found that out a long time ago. She also didn't let a lot of family know but I told her I supported her no matter what. I never told her about my feelings or about being Gay. But I always took up for her.

Now I can only hope she does the same. My dad has never had control over what I do in my life. But I can't help but feel sad that my sister might say hateful things to me when she finds out. She by far is the person I care most about in this world. And probably the only opinion I fully take to heart.

But I plan on telling her that if she want's to be as small of a part in my life as my father is then to go ahead. But if she want's to still be a big part in it that she will have to accept me for who I am.

As far as it getting back to my dad. I know she will tell him. Even though I would love to be able to say it to his face myself. My dad is nothing more but a racist, bigot, sexist and one of the top ten candidates for the KKK or Imperial knights. At one point he went around bragging that he was already a member. He really shows his stupidity. Nothing in my life good ever came from that man except my life itself. After that he has been nothing in it. But my dad is also that kind of stupid person who would threaten to kill me because he won't have no "Fagot" offspring running around. He is also stupid enough to try. But I have no fear of that man. He can try but he will never be able to harm me physically or mentally ever again.


I know this has been a long post. But I really needed to get it off my chest. It has pained me all day because of my sister's actions.


~LookingInLondon

P.S. If there are any others out there who would like to contribute to this support group / blog as an author please let me know. Or if you would like your story to be posted to get it out there you can send it to me in an email at LookingInLondonKY@gmail.com. I also want to give another warm welcome to Lesbian Life and know that she will contribute greatly to this blog.